What next?
by diangelonnico
Summary: Basically my attempt at getting into Nico di Angelo's mind. This ones quite dark and i think some people may find it triggering as there is mentions of suicide.


I stood on the top of the foresail, on the piece of wood jutting out from the mast. I looked down at the sea churning below me and then back at the seven demigods stood on the deck talking. They wouldn't miss me. I held onto the foremast as the wind blew my t-shirt out behind me. A silent tear rolled down my cheek because I knew no-one would notice I was gone for days, and even then no-one would miss me. Maybe I was better off dead; no-one liked me anyway.

I was a monster. I took a deep breath and looked up, and then I looked down again. I kept taking deep breaths and the tears came quicker now. I wasn't crying because I was afraid, I was crying because no-one loved me, there was no reason for me to live. I had fulfilled my promises. I had led them all to Epirus for Percy and I had took the Athena Parthenon back to camp half-blood. I had even helped in the war and now, I was done. I took a step out, still holding on to the wood.

My sword hung by my side and my ring glistened on my finger, I didn't have a drachma to get into the underworld but I wouldn't need one. They would have to let me in dead or alive – I was the ghost king. Then I sucked a breath in a shook my head. No, I wasn't going to do this. Why had I even thought of doing this?

I sat down dejectedly on the plank of wood and looked out at the horizon. The wind was still blowing in my face and through my hair but I didn't care, it was a warm wind. I looked down at the deck and saw that the circle of demigods had broken apart. Jason and Hazel were talking, about me probably judging by the glances they were throwing my way. Leo had disappeared probably to the engine room. Piper and Annabeth were deep in conversation and so were Percy and Frank.

I sighed and leaned back against the pole. The tears running down my face were beginning to dry but my eyes were probably still red rimmed. I was starting to get cold so I ran my hands up and down my arms to try and warm up but it didn't really work. I swung my legs too, and I looked down at my ratty black boots, that were falling apart miserably. You'd think I'd maybe treat myself sometime, my dad being the god of wealth and all but as Hazel would agree with you, I didn't exactly like taking care of myself.

I thought about this as I was leaned against the cold wooden pole. I had been alone since I was ten years old. Since Bianca died. Four years alone, that was a long time, for someone as young as me. I was only fourteen. I mean, yeah, there was dad but did that really count? I don't think so. I could have stayed at camp half-blood but I wanted, no needed to get away from Percy, or I could have lived at camp Jupiter but I liked making my own rules up too much for that. Instead I chose to stay with my father, sleeping on park benches and in graveyards if I was ever too far away to shadow-travel home.

Home? Is that really what the underworld was to me? I chuckled without humour at the depressing thought. At least I had bed I chided myself. I closed my eyes then and I thought back to when I was a child, in Venice. We lived in a little house by one of the canals, the memories were still a little fuzzy but a lot better than they used to be. It was a nice house, with a small kitchen and two bedrooms. My mother had one and me and Bianca shared another, I remember my father spent some nights there, but not every night because he'll have you know that gods are very busy although he stuck around longer than most.

I would prefer to live in that tiny house now than in a massive palace, but when I was younger all I wanted to be was a Hero, or a King. Maybe that wasn't such a great idea. I'd do anything to go back in time, to be an innocent little kid again. I sighed because there were some things you really couldn't have and this was one of them. If I thought about it anymore I would end up crying again and I wanted to look normal by the time anyone decided they wanted to speak me for some seemingly useless piece of information. Why was I even on this ship again? Oh, yeah, that's right I had got injured in the final battle and I couldn't shadow-travel.

I had been stabbed in the shoulder by some monstrous creature or other. I had been fighting, but I was tired from the shadow-travel I'd taken to get there before hand and the ten shadow-travels a couple of days before that to get to New York. Everyone else had been fighting too and I hadn't even realised I'd received a fatal wound until Gaea's army had been defeated and I had basically collapsed. All I remember after that is waking up to Hazel looking concernedly down at me and then Percy saying 'god's he's okay' then seven smiling faces proceeding to explain what had happened.

It had been three days since that and I just wanted to go home, away from everyone. But I couldn't because his shoulder was killing him and I just wanted to sleep but I didn't have a bed and they'd all offered to give up their beds but I refused because what else am I supposed to do? So here I was up in the rigging trying to get away from everyone. Just me and my thoughts, my thoughts that ot so long ago had almost driven me over the edge of this bloody ship. If I did jump I wondered, would I die on impact or would it be the water that killed me? I hoped I would die on impact if I did decide to jump because that stupid Hero named Percy Jackson would probably jump in after me and save me with his water powers, but then again would he? Or was I just being overly hopeful?

I don't think I was being hopeful, I think Percy would actually do it because his fatal flaw was loyalty and while he wasn't very good at keeping up with friendships if it was a matter of life or death he would be there for you no matter what. Would he really save me? I don't know, I decided to stop that thought track where it was because it could only lead to dangerous places. I thought about where I was going to go next.

Where was I going to go when this ship landed in New York? I didn't have a clue. I certainly wasn't going to camp half-blood and I wasn't going to camp Jupiter either. Maybe I'd go to the Underworld, maybe I'd go somewhere out of the way. Not Italy, that reminded me too much of my childhood now I was getting my memories back, too much of Bianca and my mother, too much of the happiness and light that had long since left me. Maybe I'd go to Japan, that was a nice place, but then again, I couldn't speak Japanese and I couldn't be bothered to learn. I certainly wasn't going to Greece, too many monsters and antagonizing gods like Cupid. Brazil was a nice place, but too hot. I'd thought about France before but I couldn't speak French either. I liked London though, I liked it a lot. I'd ended up there for about three days once after a shadow travel gone horribly wrong. I'd been aiming for the underworld but had managed to end up in the London Underground. I had decided to explore and found that I really liked London, it reminded me of Venice but not painfully as it was historical and European but it was different. Yes, I would go to London, and get away from all the monsters and the nightmares and the gods and demigods that I had so much hate for. Well, maybe not exactly hate for the demigods, maybe more like complicated feelings.

It was decided. We were due to land in New York tomorrow evening anyway, so I decided I would tell them all where I was going, they deserved to know. I decided to tell them at breakfast since the sun was setting and most of them had disappeared below deck now. I hoped my life was going to get better, maybe if I got away it would. Hopefully a new place would give me a chance to forget, about Bianca, about Tartarus, about Percy, about the Giants and the Titans and about everything I'd been through.


End file.
